Reprint Coutesy of Fort Worth Star Telegram

SectionD,Page8/Northeast,Fort Worth Star Telegram/Thursday,February 23

  
 
Kitty Caley of Euless is the author of Ultimate Love: A Life Soul And Searching, a book about the loss of her son, Chip, to complications resulting from AIDS, in 1987.  
Euless woman writes book about son’s death, learns to heal wounds

By Lisa Sanders
Special to the Star Telegram

   EULESS --- Kitty Caley is breaking the silence.
    After years of pain, self-imposed guilt and denial, Caley said she can speak frankly about losing her only child, Chip, who died of AIDS in 1987. He was 27.
   She also hopes that her book. Ultimate Love: A Life of Soul and Searching, scheduled to be in bookstores soon, will help others.
    Shortly after her son’s death, Caley, of Euless began working on the book. But Caley said it took several years for her to be able to tell Chip’s story – and, consequently, her story.
    "I’m pretty open about it be cause now that my book’s coming out, I’m coming out, " Caley said. "I never gave up on the book. I got a lot of rejections at first, but I also got a lot of good input. I know this is my way to share this with people."
    She enjoyed a close relationship with Chip, Caley said. But at age 17, Chip ran away to New Orleans. Several months later, Caley learned that Chip was gay. She said Chip’s revelation never weakened their bond.
   Caley said that in 1984, she got her first clue that something was troubling her son.
    "Things were happening to Chip in 1984. He started secluding himself and was depressed. I was relating it to the fact his dad and I were separated," Caley said. "I didn’t know about AIDS back then."
    In the summer of 1985, Chip was admitted into a hospital and was diagnosed as having a nervous breakdown. Caley said that diagnosis was a

blow to Chip, someone who liked to be in control of his life.
    Later, Caley would learn that Chip was experiencing AIDS-related dementia, which results in a loss or impairment of mental abilities.
     "The doctors couldn’t tell you anything,"said Caley, who has remarried. "At the time, we didn’t know anything about it. It was so hard for Chip to accept a breakdown. Before he passed away, I told him they’ll find the breakdown has something to do with AIDS. He went without knowing that. Things like this, people need to know."
    In the fall of 1985, Chip experienced flulike symptoms and went to Dallas to be tested for HIV, human immunodeficiency virus. He tested positive.
   On Oct. 31, 1985, he got worse and was taken to a hospital emergency room. He stopped breathing on the second day. He was revived.
    "If he had died in the hospital like he probably should have, there wouldn’t have been a story. "Caley said. "But this lets others know there is hope."
    Chip returned home after a 13-day hospital stay and remained there until his death in February 1987.
    During his illness, and even after his death, Caley said, she suffered in silence. It took her seven years to speak out.
    "In the past year, I was able to say my son was gay and he had AIDS, "Caley said. Previously, she had denied who he was, she said.
    "I would tell people he had TB (tuberculosis), but I didn’t tell them it was AIDS-related. I had a hard time accepting the fact I was losing my son. I didn’t relate it to feeling bad,

VITAL STATISTICS

Born: Huntington, Ind
Family: Husband, Jerry Williamson
Primary goal: "To get my book out there."
Favorite saying: "Wishing you love and happiness always."
Inspiration: Son, Chip
What I most want people to know: "The most important thing is to give and to share love."

because my whole concern was Chip, "Caley said.
    "In my mind, I was going to get him well. I was sure I could, right up to the very end."
    Caley said she believes that everything happens for a reason. Chip’s life, his death and her decision to share the story with others are part of a natural sequence of events, she said.
    "It’s still got a horrible stigma. People don’t accept it, "Caley said. "I was a sophomore in high school and I read Peyton Place. It was about VD (venereal disease). The book was interesting, and I wouldn’t put it down, but I didn’t think anything more about it. I’m hoping people will pick up this book and relate. Not just about AIDS or being gay, but about family life."
    Paul Cobb, Buddy Program director at the AIDS Outreach Center in Fort Worth, where Caley volunteers, said he found Caley’s book interesting.
    "She was very to the point about the way she treated her son and things she wished she had done better," Cobb said, "I enjoyed her frankness about the way people in the community		 treated people with AIDS. Evidently, she did feel some repercussions from people she told about her son, and it colored her view of how people would react toward other people with HIV and AIDS."
    Cobb said people shouldn’t be afraid to read the book.
    "It will help if people will pick it up and read it. The hard part is making sure people aren’t afraid to touch the book because it is about AIDS, Cobb said. "She was brave enough to expose everything ---her feelings, things she felt were mistakes, and she put that aside and went with her gut feeling – that all the information would help educate people."
    Caley said writing the book proved to be cathartic, but not until the fall of 1993, when she converted the manuscript to a computer editing program and was forced to take a hard look at what she wrote.
    "I’m back to being myself these last few months, "Caley said. "I didn’t know I was angry." Caley also devotes her time to volunteer work. She’s a member of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), and she worked at the AIDS Outreach Center food pantry last year. She also visits three people with AIDS through the Buddy Program.
    "One patient in Euless needed food delivered, and we became very close," Caley said. "I have three buddies now, and I visit them and talk with them on the phone."
    Caley said she hopes that her book promotes understanding.    "The most important thing people need to realize is they’ve got to give and share love," Caley said.

Why must there be silence?

By Linda C. Stoehr
Lifestyle Editor

"And should the angel come to call much sooner than we planned, we’ll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand."
-- Edgar A. Guest

This month Kitty Williamson of Euless came out of the closet with her book Ultimate Love: A Life of Soul & Searching, written under her maiden name Kitty Caley. It is the poignant story of a mother’s courageous struggle and the loss of her only child to AIDS.

Not many knew that Brandon T. "Chip" Williamson had contracted the deadly virus. His mother kept that a secret for fear that his memory would be stained by the prejudices of society.

Chip was gay and he died of a disease that is generally associated with his lifestyle. Little was known about AIDS in the mid-80’s, except that it was a homosexual disease. "There is an unpleasant stigma associated with AIDS," says Kitty," because people don’t have all the facts."

"The stigma overpowers the compassion," Kitty explains, "Why should we be silent? Death is death and people should not be afraid of someone with AIDS."

Reflecting on Chip’s final year, her eyes fill with tears. She loved her only child deeply and feels shame for not openly sharing with others that Chip had AIDS.

Her silence, she said, grew from fear. It was her maternal instinct to protect her son and surround him with as much love as possible. There was no need to expose him to the "heartache of unnecessary fear." It was enough that he had to endure the physical discomforts of the disease, and she did not

want him to also suffer "emotional and mental anguish."

Fighting back the tears, she says she wished she had done it differently. But God, she added, gave her the strength to write the book so she could tell Chip’s story and make people understand that those afflicted with AIDS should not be cared for with indifference but as sick men and women. "It is an illness, and AIDS does not discriminate," she said.

Chip Williamson was 27 years old when he died Feb. 23, 1987.

Abandoned by his father when he was three, Chip made an attempt to contact his dad when he was 10 years old, only to be rejected for reasons Chip was never able to understand. At 14, Chip again made an attempt to meet with his father, which proved disastrous. Up until two months before his death, Chip continued to seek his father’s affection.

"I think his father’s rejection made him stronger," Kitty said, "I remember Chipper said to me, ‘Mother, I have to live life for me, no one else.’"

Aware that he was gay, Chip left home at 17 for New Orleans, where he felt he would be accepted. Kitty recalls, during a visit, she suspected he was homosexual, and he later confirmed her suspicions.

"You love someone regardless," Kitty said tearfully. "Nothing had changed. Chipper hadn’t changed, just his lifestyle, and I had to accept this so he could go on with his life. I know gay lifestyle is beyond an individual’s control. It’s not a choice."

In 1985, Chip tested positive for the HIV virus after experiencing months of flu-like symptoms.

"I held on to the positive

Reprint Courtesy of the Mid Cities News

Linda Stoehr, author of this article said, "Kitty Caley's story on her son was the most profound topic I covered as a journalist. It was very emotional."

that he did not have AIDS," Kitty said, "A Fort Worth doctor told us he had ARC (AIDS Related Complex). He didn’t mention death or AIDS, so I thought we could get through this. I had faith in the doctor that Chip would get stronger."

Kitty recognizes her denial now and admits that she did not fully understand the magnitude of the diagnosis in the beginning and may have subconsciously blocked it out.

Chip’s flu-like illness soon progressed. The infection had affected his lungs. He was hospitalized and placed on a life-support system after he stopped breathing on his own. The doctors told Kitty that Chip had Tuberculosis. Chip recovered, but even on the brink of death Kitty refused to believe that he was not going to get better.

"We never dwelled on the negative," she said.

A year later, in 1986, Chip was diagnosed with AIDS. Although, She lived in constant fear, Kitty refused to accept her son’s condition as permanent or that he would die, "We just avoided the subject.

"I didn’t tell people Chipper had AIDS, they would have condemned my child and wouldn’t have under stood or accepted it." Kitty said tearfully, "I was afraid they wouldn’t understand so I kept them from knowing."

The pain of Kitty’s silence has cost her emotionally. Not until nine months following his death, could she admit to anyone that she had lost a son to AIDS.

"I’ve learned many things since then about the AIDS virus, things I didn’t know before and things that weren’t known by the doctors," Kitty said. "There weren’t any Books on the subject.

Kitty believes it’s important for Care givers to recognize the complications of the virus so they and the patience are better prepared.

"I told Chipper back then

that when they (doctors) know more about AIDS, they’ll realize that what they called a nervous breakdown was a symptom of AIDS, (Dementia Complex)" Kitty added, "The sad part about that is that after he passed away, this turned out to be true. There were other symptoms too, they just weren’t certain back then."

A real estate broker by trade, Kitty says she never dreamed she would become an author. She began to record conversations with her son after a friend suggested this would help her deal with his illness. She did not intend to publish it.

"I think God intended this book to be written," Kitty explained, "Had Chip passed away in the Hospital and not lived another 16 months, there would not have been any story. He would have lived a typical life of growing up with the struggles we all go through. I believe those 16 months turned out to be a beautiful story of our love and what he and I went through together. And I need to share it with other people, to make them understand what life is."

Kitty is still coming to terms with Chip’s death. It has been difficult for her to speak out about her son and his fight with AIDS, but she feels an obligation to reach out to people.

"The book will let people know what it (AIDS) did to me and to other people, because I know this isn’t only happening to me," Kitty explained.


Kitty will make her first public appearance April 20 at Barnes and Noble in North Richland Hills for a book signing and AIDS prevention panel discussion. The event is scheduled at 7 p.m. and is free to the public.